Notes From the Middle

Spoiler: The middle is where the real shit happens.

I’ve always loved a beginning. I’m a sucker for a good “starting fresh” moment - new notebooks, new energy, new year, new city, new relationship. And I’ve definitely fantasized about the “after.” You know, the moment where everything clicks and makes sense and you suddenly float through life with the wisdom of a therapist and the chill of someone who’s unbothered by absolutely everything.

But the truth? Most of life happens in the middle.

The not-quite-there-yet space. The “I’m doing the work, but I still cry sometimes for no reason” space. The “I know better, but I don’t always do better” space. The “I’m proud of myself and also kind of annoyed that healing isn’t faster” space.

That’s where I’ve been lately. Not lost. Not “on the other side.” Just… here. In the thick of it. Figuring things out, screwing things up, figuring them out again.

Still showing up. Still learning. Still occasionally crying in the car and then pretending I’ve got it all together.

So in the spirit of saying the quiet stuff out loud - here are a few notes from the middle. The part no one glamorizes but everyone lives through.

Growth is not linear, and it’s also not that cute.

Growth is messy. Some days you’re journaling, meditating, drinking green juice, and saying “no” with confidence. (LOL I’ve never actually had green juice, meditating is hard for me, and I suck at journaling even though I enjoy it…but you get the picture I’m trying to paint here, right?). Other days you’re crying in the car because you dropped your keys and it just broke you.

Sometimes growth looks like progress, and sometimes it looks like a full-blown identity crisis.

It’s not a glow-up…it’s a slow burn.

And weirdly, that middle part - the not-so-pretty part - is usually where the most transformation actually happens. Not when things feel perfect, but when things feel real. When you sit in the discomfort instead of running from it. That’s where the shift begins.

Progress looks a lot like pause, overthinking, deleting texts you never sent, and giving yourself credit for not spiraling like you used to.

It also looks like:
– Not reaching out on their birthday.
– Holding your boundary without sending a follow-up apology.
– Sitting with the urge to fix, and choosing not to.
– Closing the tab instead of checking out their new life.
– Going to sleep instead of rereading old messages.
– Reminding yourself, “This doesn’t need a response,” and actually not responding.

Sometimes we think growth only counts when it’s dramatic - huge change, big moves, bold decisions. But the subtle shifts? The quiet wins?

That’s where the magic is.

Some lessons repeat until they don’t. And even then? You still might need a reminder.

We don’t grow in straight lines. Sometimes we circle back. While I absolutely detest the term ‘circle back,’ it worked here, so let me have it.

We date a version of someone we swore we’d never date again.

We ignore the red flag…again.

We say “yes” when we meant “I’m not sure.”

But the point isn’t to be perfect. The point is to notice sooner. To catch it mid-pattern. To gently call yourself in instead of beating yourself up. That’s growth too.

Your gut gets louder when you stop trying to prove your worth to people who didn’t ask you to.

There is a very specific kind of peace that comes when you finally stop auditioning. When you stop bending and twisting to be liked, chosen, understood. When you trust that your gut isn’t trying to ruin your life…it’s trying to protect it.

And if you listen to it - and I mean really listen to it - it will lead you somewhere better. Maybe not easier. Maybe not immediately happier. But better.

Being in progress doesn’t mean you’re behind. It means you’re building.

There’s this lie that unless you’re thriving, glowing, winning, or launching something... you’re failing.

False.

Being in progress doesn’t mean you’re lost or stuck. It means you’re paying attention. You’re integrating. You’re walking forward with your eyes open instead of numbing out or living on autopilot.

You’re doing the thing.
Even if it’s not perfect.
Even if it’s slow.
Even if you have to start over 12 times.
That’s not failure. That’s forward.

What’s currently keeping me grounded:
(AKA the small but mighty things helping me stay present, distracted, and somewhat entertained)

Look, I’m not floating on a cloud of inner peace, but here are a few things that are keeping me semi-grounded lately. These are the small-but-mighty things helping me stay present, distracted, or just mildly entertained (which honestly counts right now). Not sponsored. Just obsessed.

–This clip. Hits every time.

–Younger - Yes, I’m extremely late, but I finally watched it and fully get the hype. Emotional whiplash in the best way. Just finished it.

-White Collar - Also late, also worth it. If you’re into charming con men (lol too soon?) who somehow make you want to commit white-collar crimes... 10/10.

–My podcast episode - Not to sound full of myself, but I’ve listened to my own episode five times. It’s called “Unscripted Heartbreak: Mourning the Living” and it’s basically my free therapy loop right now.

-Diet Coke fountain soda - we know, we know.

-My current favorite candles (this one and this one).

-Walking to the beach. I don’t do it enough, but I live minutes from it and it’s game-changing for one’s mood.

So no, I’m not “on the other side.” I’m not standing on a mountaintop shouting life advice or writing this from some perfectly healed place.

I’m in the middle. The weird, beautiful, frustrating middle.
And honestly? That’s enough.

There’s something powerful about not rushing the process. About letting yourself be in progress and still proud. About choosing presence over perfection, again and again.

We don’t talk about this part enough. So I am.

Because maybe you’re in the middle too.

And if you are…welcome. We’re doing just fine.